The name I choose for this blog could not have been more accurate at this time in my life.
I was planning my wedding and planning our future with the man of my dreams..my true love. Then life happened…tragedy happened…and God took him out of this world. 17 days before our wedding date. Its been a little over three months since my Colin has passed. My life crisis has never felt more real.
I’ve been struggling on how I was going to get back on here and write but I am here and I am doing it. Writing my way through a real life crisis.
ok you’ve been warned. As I mentioned yesterday I just recently switched positions…I went from a Health and Human Services job to a position in the auditors office. Full outside world contact to none. Which isn’t too bad. But what I really learned was how blessed I was to have the women by my side that I did. How close we truely are and how much I’m having withdrawals for not seeing them everyday! But the even better thing is knowing that these are strong bonds that will carry on even though I don’t get to see them everyday.
I know I have been MIA for over a month…it was a crazy month. So many changes right before the new year. So I a, definitely starting 2017 completely different then how I left 2016. That’s good right? Change is good…I keep telling myself. But god damn change is hard. December 2016 started with me deciding to interview for a different position in the county than where I was at. Higher pay and closer to home…and less emotional stress than where I was at. So I wanted it. I ended up getting it. So stoked. But starting a new position with out that work family that got me through each and everyday is….HARD. I feel like a piece of me is missing not having my girls by my side on a daily basis…but I’m doing it…💁🏼
The other huge change for me this December is that is was THE first Christmas that I did not spend with my family. My grandma dad and sister came up Christmas Day…which was awesome…but also not the norm. And let me tell you it was weird!!!!
So I apologize I’ve been missing…but with 2017 starting I’m starting fresh!
I was in 7th grade. Two classmates of mine were over for a school project of some sorts. My house was on a cul de sac so we went outside to play around. Little did I know this boy had a sneaky little plan. He had our other friend stay at the bottom of a little hill close to my house. Somehow me and the boy were up by a tree and he grabbed my face and kissed me. I was in heaven. I had had a crush on him for most of my elementary years. I later learned our friend was the “lookout”….just in case my dad came outside!
We graduated 8th grade and went our ways….different high schools. Didn’t stay in touch either.
And then two and a half years ago we decided to meet up at a local bar. We spent all night talking, laughing, dancing, and at the end of the night kissing. We haven’t stopped seeing each other since then. And now I am marrying my first kiss.
So Christmas is right around the corner. I mean like right there as soon as you turn the corner!!! By this time every year as a child I had magazines on top of magazines with circles outlining everything I wanted. And because I was such a fortunate child I got pretty much everything I ever wanted. It also helped that I was THE only child for about 8 years in my whole family. Tehe
However now when I get asked, “what do you want for Christmas?” – “Well….financial stability…new career…to eat whatever I want and not get fat…oh and a nap!” That’s all I want these days. Biggest one is the nap. If I could just a bunch of those all time, life would be grand!
So it is officially 6 months until my big day. We’ve been planning for 6 months and now only have 6 months to go. Um what?!!? If this next 6 months go as quick as these last 6 it’ll be here in no time. And let me tell you the mixture of nerves stress and happiness is quite extreme. The say there is a thing called “pregnancy brain” but I am going to coin Wedding Brain. My brain is all over the dang place. I can’t make a decision to save my life which only adds more stress. Vicious circle. I mean I’ve had about 3 different for sure bridesmaids dresses and just yesterday I officially choose one. So that’s good. I know it’s going to be an incredible day. Just as much as I want it to be here and experience it I also want the next 6 months to last as long as possible. Only 6 more months that my last name will be McClelland.
Well it has officially started. This cold weather crap. The heater came on today and I am not sure how I feel about it! I like hot. Not freezing my butt off! But the warm coziness of our house is very nice. And this means that all those fun holidays are coming up. Which this will be the first year I get to host family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas! Can you say…..ADULT! Cause that’s what the means. When you start having your family over for those big holidays you are adulting like no other. But it also gives me an excuse to decorate and be all cute for everything! I need to start acquiring Christmas Tree ornaments!
Last year we had snow at our house! SNOW! Yes I was that typical tourist taking pictures of the snow. Typical SoCal girl right here. I’m used to 75 degree weather in winter. Ha ha.